James 3:1-16

Learn to Listen

James 3:1-2 Be not many masters…

• You will never say anything worth saying until you learn to listen.  Seek to understand, not be understood.  If what you’re about to say can be summed up with the phrase, “And that’s why I’m right and you’re wrong!” then grow up.  Quit being the “nanny nanny boo boo” spouse.  W.A.I.T – Why Am I Talking?
• Fools lead with their mouth.  Fools speak before they think.  God calls it froward.  A fool speaks before he hears a matter, Proverbs 18:13.
• Note the value of silence.

• Thoughts clear up. Reduce noise. Proverbs 4:1, 5:1
• Circumstances have a voice.  Romans 8:28
• Words have more weight.  Proverbs 17:27
• It will cause you to hear.  You aren’t learning if you’re talking.
• Much speaking will ensure sin.  Proverbs 10:19
• Others will at least think you’re smart even if you’re not – Proverbs 17:28

Point your mouth in the right direction

James 3:3-4 bits in horses’ mouths… and we turn about the whole body

• Your mouth has much to do with where you are and why.
  • Proverbs 15:1. Notice how encouraging words can help.  Or feisty words can ruin the spirit.
  • Proverbs 18:6-7
• Restraint of the mouth is restraint of the body; it is the height of self control.
• Nothing happens until someone says something.  And God said… The most complete form of communication is words.  Damnation begins with words.  “Yea hath God said.”  Righteousness begins with words. “And he believed in the Lord; and he counted to him for righteousness.” The media uses words to control thought away from the Bible.
• The direction for your mouth is found in Ephesians 4:29 – Edification to the hearer is the goal.

Understand the destructive nature of your tongue

James 3:5-10 the tongue is a fire…and full of deadly poison.

• Understanding the nature of your tongue gives you a true appraisal of it and will help you deal with your tongue the way you should.
• When things get heated in a marriage sometimes we like this aspect of our tongue.  After all it is what comes naturally.  Destroying your relationship with your mouth is not a solution.  Never use your mouth  as a weapon.  You say, Well God’s word is a sword.  #1 You aren’t  God.  #2 If you are foolish enough to think that killing your spouse with your words is what God meant in Ephesians 6:17 you’re beyond foolish.
• You have to have an honest, open, and fair way to communicate.  You will have to discuss tough subjects in marriage and be resolved to relax and love each other afterwards.  Find a way to be open and free to communicate that doesn’t change how you love and accept each other afterwards.
• Express feelings w/o accusing
• Approach subject with grace and understanding (mentally trade places)
• Be motivated to grow.  Understand and accept that flaws are part of the package
• Honor your spouse’s God given role in your marriage because that is how God gives order to your family.
• Understand that disagreements are not the end of the world.  Learn how to work through them and you’ll benefit from it.

You can’t change your speech without changing your heart

James 3:11-16 good conversation…with meekness of wisdom

• Your tongue is your reputation.  Fountain will be contaminated with bad  water.  Once bad water is introduced, the entire source is bad.
• Your tongue is the tattle tale of your heart.  Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.  A wise man will show you his works are right by the way that he talks
• Only two types of wisdom: Godly & devlish
  • You don’t have to change anything to live by the devilish wisdom.   Just do what you’re doing and you’ll be living by it.
  • Godly wisdom comes from knowledge that has been endued.  Consider eternal life and the knowledge of God.  John 17:3  & Philippians 3:10-12