How to find a Husband or a Wife

Lesson #4 How to Court Successfully : Handout

(Study taken from the book “Dating or Courting” by Allen Jones)

Once you get to the place where you are ready to begin the process of trying to find a husband or a wife then you will become concerned with the question of how I have successful courtship. In this lesson we will give some guidelines for how to have a successful courtship.

There are two verses that will guide us in this lesson but these two verses can also be great verses in guiding your process of finding a spouse.

Romans 13:14 “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh , to fulfil the lusts thereof.”

For a saved person finding a spouse should be as much of a spiritual process as it is a physical process. Note also we see from the verse that Lust of the flesh cannot be avoided in the matter therefore we have to take steps to avoid getting in the position of being able to fulfill them. For example if you cannot refrain from touching a person then always keep yourself in the company of someone that would not allow you to do so.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”

This is a great verse for everything in life but especially in the area of courting. The important thing to note is that the verse says appearance of evil not evil. If something even looks wrong then we should avoid doing it.

In the introduction lesson of this series we gave some standards concerning finding a spouse. There are two important things concerning these standards that will greatly help in having a successful courtship.

1)  They must be established in agreement with God’s word.

• Remember how can we break God’s word and then expect him to bless what we are doing?

2)  They must be established before you began looking for a spouse.

• If you wait until after you are in a relationship to establish your standards concerning the relationship you will be too late.
• You should establish these standards with the help of your parents well before you get to the point of being ready to court. It will also help to make list for each one and keep them throughout the courting process as it will guide you and help keep you on course.

3 Parts to these Standards :

1)  Must decide what you are going to do.

• For example if there is going to be any contact between the two of you this need to be established prior to and understood by both parties. But remember what the word of God says concerning this (1 Corinthians 7:1)
• Remember if you have a list and discuss this with the potential mate it can solve a lot of problems down the road, plus if they are after the wrong thing it could help you avoid temptation or being put in a hard spot.

2)  Must decide who you will court.

• This was discussed in lesson 2 but it will be very beneficial if you make a list of things that are going to be mandatory in the spouse you are looking for. Do this well before you start courting and once again do it with the help of your parents.
• Guidelines for this can be as follows; must be saved and believe as I do, must have my parents and pastors approval, must not compromise my walk with God, must not feel convicted about them in any way etc.

3)  Must decide where you will go.

• In courting it is obvious that you will go places with the person you are courting. Make as list of places and events that will be off limits. These will be places that are worldly or may cause you to be tempted by the lust of the flesh. For example if he or she has an apartment or a house of their own that would be a definite place of temptation and also a source of a bad testimony, remember 1 Thessalonians 5:22.

Things you can do that will help you to have a successful courtship :

1)  Pray and submit yourself to God (Proverbs 19:14)

• Remember to marry in God’s will we will need to court in God’s will.

2)  Be true to your Standards. (Romans 14:23)

• What good will they do you if you are not going to follow them. It may cost you some things and may even cost you some people. But if someone is going to leave you because of your standards then it is better to have them do it before you are married than after you are married.

3)  Follow God’s leadership by faith (Hebrews 11:6)

• What would you do if you were considering someone for marriage and they met all your standards, had your parents and pastors approval and in all other ways looked perfect, but for some reason you could simple not get peace from God concerning this individual? This is a hard situation but we must remember that God can see the future and we cannot, therefore we should trust him and follow his guidance even if we do not understand it. Chances are there is someone else he has for you that will be the right one.

4)  Keep the rules of the parents (Ephesians 6:1-3)

• This applies to yours and the person that you are courting.
• Here is a simple thing to remember if someone is trying to get you to break your parents rules then they do not respect your parents and if they don’t respect your parents then they really to not respect you.

5)  Seek your pastors advice (Hebrews 13:17)

• Remember that your pastor has access to information through his position that you may never know about and even though he may not be able to give you any details he may be able to advise you in the right manner with breaking a confidence. Also he is not emotionally involved as you or your parents may be and can give you better advice.

How to find a Husband or a Wife

Lesson #4 How to Court Successfully : Handout

(Study taken from the book “Dating or Courting” by Allen Jones)

1)  List two verses that we can use as guidelines for courting successfully.

2)  Why must a person establish some convictions regarding the subject of courting?

3)  List 2 very important things concerning establishing convictions.

4)  List 3 parts of the convictions that must be established.

5)  What are some guidelines for a successful courtship?